Do you find yourself having the same argument over and over with your mate? Do you find yourself saying or thinking any of the following?
If any of these sound familiar, you're not alone. They're common complaints of couples who have drifted apart, who have been overtaken by negativity, or who have stopped nurturing the relationship. I can help you with these and many other issues, including trust, intimacy, parenting, step-parenting, affairs, sex life, and resolving conflict.
How do we begin? Couples therapy usually begins with a history of the relationship and an assessment of its current strenghts and areas of concern. I will interview you, have you complete some questionnaires, and observe your communication style. (The exception to this is for couples in crisis, in which case I will address the crisis first). I usually like to spend some time with each person alone, to get a better sense of each partner's perspective. After gathering information, usually at about the third session, I will give you feedback on how I see your relationship and propose a plan of action. Sessions are generally 50 minutes (but can sometimes be longer), and I usually meet with couples weekly, at least at the beginning.
Then what? My approach is influenced by John Gottman's research-based couples therapy, which uses exercises that target different areas of the relationship depending on the outcome of the assessment. We may do exercises to repair/enhance your friendship, make you more effective at resolving conflict, create shared meaning in your lives, or all of the above. My goal is not to eliminate arguments, because every couple argues, but to teach you how to resolve conflict that can be resolved, and avoid damage fron unresolvable conflict. I will also try to help you reconnect with each other, understand each other better, and have more fun.
How long will it take? This is very hard to predict until I know more about you and what the issues are. Also, sometimes a "case" seems straightforward until we get into it and discover that there are deeper, more complicated issues. Other times a couple that initially seems very estranged or hostile will work hard and effectively and make very quick progress. A lot of it depends on your commitment to therapy and your willingness to work outside the sessions.